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| Participants in the March for Life cleverly disguised as tourists |
Various media outlets scrambled to be the first to publish the latest news on this year's anti-abortion rally in Washington, DC. They were shocked to find that this year's rally had only twelve attendees.
"We were really sitting on the edge of our seats [to find out the story on the March for Life]," said one intern at the New York Times. "Sure, it came up in the last 30 seconds of our staff meeting, but it was really a great way to end on a suspenseful note. It was like the end of a comic book. I could just tell from my supervisor's raised eyebrows that he was really enthralled. Our editor's eyeballs even went heavenward in a fit of transcendence. They said that I was such an exemplary intern that I could personally cover the story, so I called our DC location right away.
"I was really bummed to learn that only twelve people attended."
The Washington Post was similarly enthusiastic, said a source from the newspaper's On Faith section, who declined to be named. "We wanted to beat the Times at covering the story, so as soon as I saw the tweet from nytimes last night I wanted to make sure the story hit the press in time for this morning's publication."
When this Catholic Onion reporter expressed surprise that an article on the controversial pro-life march could be approved by an editor so quickly, the source countered:
"They're nice to us in [the On Faith division]. Last year our editors might've published the March for Life story right after an article on inscribing weapons with quotes from the Bible, but once the Chief asked us to polish 'Two Hundred and Fifty Thousand Attendees' down to 'Thousands' and end with a quote by President Obama we were pretty much allowed to be balanced.
"And anyway, when he saw the numbers on this one, there was no problem."
The Washington Post and New York Times remain to be informed that the March for Life is scheduled ten days from now.
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